polyphonictree: I have never yearned for the intimate contact of a man and I think that’s what makes me a lesbian. I mean, I just have a deep desire to be physical with women; I long for their softness, their subtle looks and telling eyes, the arch of their back, their clavicles, their hands…. and I don’t feel that with men, there’s no physical traits I feel innately sexually attracted to. There are some women whom I find I could physically explore endlessly and I have never felt that for a guy.
It’s beginning to cause some problems, you see, because the dichotomy of head and heart always ends up hurting someone.
“I hated the mountains and the hills, the rivers and the rain. I hated the sunsets of whatever colour. I hated its beauty and its magic and the secret I would never know. I hated its indifference and the cruelty which was part of its loveliness. Above all I hated her. For she belonged to the magic and the loveliness. She had left me thirsty and all my life would be thirst and longing for what I had lost before I found it.”—Jean Rhys, Wide Sargasso Sea